


Zone of Truth and Kaz Brekker Do Not Mix

by sentimentalscribe



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, I never read or write crossover AUs but here we are - crossing over, Six of Crows/The Adventure Zone Crossover AU, can this take the prize for World's Most Obscure Crossover??, i hope so, read this - if only in excitement that someone else knows both six of crows and the adventure zone, this is the stupidest idea I've ever had and you should definitely read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2018-11-30 18:16:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11469006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentimentalscribe/pseuds/sentimentalscribe
Summary: Kaz and the gang try to execute a heist while the Très Horny Boys have cast Zone of Truth on the building. It goes about as well as you'd expect.A collection of oneshots in this very serious universe.(Is this a ridiculous, ridiculous crossover? Yes. Should you read it anyway? Definitely.)





	1. Zone of Truth and Kaz Brekker Do Not Mix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend and I accidentally started spitting out Six of Crows/The Adventure Zone Crossover headcanons until this happened. It might be one of many oneshots in this universe, because apparently I've gone insane. Enjoy!

As Kaz finished outlining his master plan on a diagram, the gang all let go of a collective breath. Sure, it was strange to have these magical newcomers joining their ranks for a while, but Inej knew Kaz always had a plan. If they just followed his directions to a T, everything would be fine and their elusive prize would be theirs at last. As they huddled around the map, the only light in the room flickering from a weakly burning candle, they could faintly hear the newcomers having a hushed yet fervent argument in the next room:

 _“Oh, so_ I’m _the shitty wizard, huh? All you cast is Zone of Truth and maybe a plant-fucking spell every once in a while!”_

_“Well, at least I’m actually good at Zone of Truth!”_

_“Hey, hey, guys, calm down. You’re_ both _shitty wizards, okay?”_

Inej looked over to Kaz. “What are they talking about?”

Kaz grimaced. “Don’t know, don’t care. As long as they don’t screw this up, they can do whatever they want.” Despite his stone-cold demeanor, Inej could tell the travelers were wearing on Kaz’s nerves. But unlike Matthias, who had been openly grinding his teeth in annoyance, Kaz wore it well. He dropped his pen on the table. “Nina, Jesper, are you still working on a way to transport them back to their own dimension?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nina replied, leaning back in her chair and chomping down on a scone which no one knew the origins of. “I have some friends who might be able to help, but these people’s magic exists in a different form than ours. I can figure it out, but it’ll have to wait until after the heist.”

Kaz glared at her, then sighed. “Fine. After the heist. And clean up those crumbs, will you? We don’t need the whole of the _stadwatch_ knowing we were here when they come sniffing around tomorrow.”

The next day, everything was prepared. Disguises were perfected, sharpshooting positions were scouted, and the crew was in position. But before anything could happen, Kaz had to go up to a highbrow banker in the middle of the bank to distract him for a few minutes, while also simultaneously stealing his watch and replacing it with a fake. Inej held her breath from her hiding place in the ceiling beams and prayed to her Saints that everything would go according to plan.

But just outside, the newcomers from another dimension started arguing again. Loudly. What were they thinking? They were supposed to be hiding until Nina gave the signal. Luckily, Inej was probably the only one who could hear them, as she was by the window. That didn't make it any less unacceptable.

Inej couldn’t see them, but their voices crescendoed until the short one - Morle, perhaps? - yelled, “Well, since you keep bringing it up day after day, I think I will! I cast Zone of Truth!”

One of the others, the elf, was laughing so hard he was crying. “Why? Why? You’re not even interrogating anyone, dipshit!”

Inej didn’t know what all of that meant, but it sounded magical in nature. And if it involved the truth, it would do well to stay far away from Kaz today. She tried to signal to Kaz to halt the mission, to tell him not to lie, but it was too late. Kaz approached the man, behaving with the wavering uncertainty of a lowly accounting apprentice, and smiled apologetically. Inej let herself relax. This was Kaz, after all. He could sell ice to an eskimo, spell or no spell.

Kaz reached out his hand and the banker shook it, the man raising his eyebrows expectantly for whatever news this apprentice would bring him.

Kaz smiled and said, “This is a heist.”

Inej’s heart stopped. The banker’s brows furrowed in confusion.

Kaz’s eyes widened in shock for a moment before he recovered and reinstated his subservient demeanor. He tried again. “We’re planning to steal massive amounts of money, specifically from vaults 23 and 57, using the kidnapping of your daughter as a distraction in fifteen minutes.”

Inej caught Jesper’s eye from the other rafter, desperately searching his face for clues. Was this a secret part of the plan Kaz had neglected to tell them about? Saints knew it wouldn’t be the first time. Jesper just shrugged, his eyes darting to Wylan in the rafter next to him. Wylan shrugged, too, and squeezed his hand.

Well, this didn’t mean anything. If Kaz hadn’t told Inej, then he probably wouldn’t have told the boys, either. This still might have been a brilliant plan in the making.

But Inej’s feeble hope shrank as Kaz continued his plea.

“I’m not an accountant apprentice, my real name is Kaz Rietveld, I am in love with Inej Ghafa, and I care a great deal more about my crew than I let on. Also, I’m about to steal your watch.”

Inej had never seen true horror depicted so purely in a person's eyes before that moment. Kaz gaped, the blood draining from his face, stock-still for a beat before he punched the banker in the nose and called to the rest of the crew, “Evacuate!”

Inej, shocked and confused, jumped nimbly out the nearby window and landed on the cement below, right in the middle of the newcomers’ discussion.

They all yelped in surprise, but before they could say anything, Inej pulled out two knives and held them up menacingly. “Did you cast truth magic on Kaz?” she demanded, giving them a chance to be honorable and confess.

They all exchanged looks with each other before bursting into laughter. Inej studied each of them, searching their faces for malice. Their laughs were not made of cruel intentions or evil deeds, but then what were they made of? Indifference? Stupidity?

Inej didn’t have time for this. “You’re from another world, yes?”

“You could say that,” said the one with the umbrella.

“Nina will find a way to get you back there, but until then, you should run.”

“Why?” asked the big one, playing with his goldfish and only half-paying attention.

Inej sheathed her knives with a flourish and glared at them meaningfully. “Because - believe me - when Kaz finds out, he is going to kill you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this is obscure. I will be happy if even 5 people view this page tbh. Anyway, if you liked it or just want to rave about your favorite TAZ character, be sure to comment! There will most likely be more oneshots posted either as chapters or in a collection later, plus check out the rest of my stuff if you like solangelo. Have a nice day!
> 
>  
> 
> Also, for my novel, I'll be needing a social media following to show a publisher. So if you're enjoying this free writing, could you please follow my author twitter @sentimentalscr1 to support me in the road to publishing? It'll have updates on chapter progress, polls on what I'll write next, and info on when things will be up! I promise I don't tweet much. It won't bother you at all, but it will help me a lot. So give me a follow and help me out! Thanks so much!


	2. Taako is Bored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who will win: A bonfire, ropes, and Van Eck's carefully plotted evil plan OR Taako's boredom? Vote now on your phones!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a YEAR but I just got inspired to write another one of the many SOC/TAZ prompts I made myself, so here we are! These chapters aren't going to be sequential, rather, they're each a separate idea I had. Enjoy! Any future updates will be similarly unpredictable, so go ahead and follow my user to be updated so you don't have to check!

 

Inej was used to the crew cutting things close, but this was a little too close, for even them. Each of them was tied to a stone pillar in Van Eck’s mansion, the ropes tight enough that it would take even Inej a few minutes to get out, and a fire raged on the other side of the mansion, slowly working its way to the group. Inej glanced over at Kaz, tied to a pillar a few feet away from her, and could practically see the gears turning in his head.

Matthias grunted somewhere behind Inej and she turned to him. Despite his brawn, the ropes were too strong. He struggled anyway. Sympathy rushed through her - she could understand being unable to use one’s most valuable skills. He was the last of the Dregs to stay conscious besides Kaz and Inej - one of the _stadwatch_ had injected most of them with some sort of knockout drug.

Oh, and there went Matthias’ eyes, fluttering shut. Saints. It was just her and Kaz now. Well, them and their unfortunate... companions.

Inej almost didn't want to spare a glance to the awful men who had gotten them all into this mess, but she eventually caved and turned her head to check on them.

A few pillars away, all three of them were tied to the same post. But despite the imminent danger, they all seemed relaxed. All she could understand of their conversation was the elf (was he an elf? Inej wasn’t sure how that dimension worked) pondering, “Now that you mention it, I _don't_ know if fireball is one word or two. Maybe I can check somewhere?”

The big one said, “I feel like I'm supposed to remind you that this is life or death. I’m pretty sure.”

The elf easily pulled his hands out from the ropes - _how? -_ and started taking out various magical items from his cloak, setting them on the ground one by one like a child laying out their toys. He said, “I'm like, 30% sure I wrote it down somewhere, just a sec.”

Van Eck entered the room and Inej’s blood ran cold. Every moment trapped in his manor, terrified of the acute tortures he would bring, sprang to the front of her mind. She redoubled her efforts to get free.

Van Eck began a leisurely stroll around the room, circling through the various pillars the crew mates were tied to. “I must say, this one was quite a reach, even for you swine. You should consider yourselves lucky I’m not in the mood to call the _stadwatch_ in here right now to make you unrecognizable to the bums who will dig your coffins.” He chuckled and stopped before Wylan’s passed-out form for a moment, flicking some of his son’s red-gold hair out of his eye. “Pathetic. Well, I’m sure you’re dying to know how I caught you this time, but unfortunately, I’m not stupid enough to tell you all of my grand plans. You filth don’t deserve to know. So when you’re all burning to a crisp in a minute, don’t feel the need to thank me for being -”

“SNORE,” the elf called. “How do I turn the monologue button off?”

The dwarf perked up. “I think I have a spell for silencing somewhere.”

Inej stared at them in horror. What were they thinking?

“Excuse me?” Van Eck turned to them.

The elf yawned hugely and stretched. “I’m bored. I’m aging. I’m aging before my very eyes. Can you dudes see my hair turning grey?”

The others nodded sagely.

Van Eck gaped, but quickly recovered. “I don’t know you or why you’re mixed up with these fools, but I promise you your painful, agonizing death will not be _boring._ In fact -”

“Nah. I cast magic missile.”

“Wha-?”

Three massive, glowing beams of light appeared and just as quickly slammed into Van Eck’s chest. Inej stared in amazement, but Kaz had already capitalized off of Van Eck’s back being turned to finally cut free from the pillar he was tied to and fling two throwing stars into the back of his neck. Van Eck screamed, seemingly unable to process what was even happening, and whipped his head around to face Kaz, rage pulsing in his eyes. Inej was so close to being able to break out, but she needed just a bit more slack on her ropes. If only she could -

 _Shink._ Inej looked down to her top two ropes sliced, thanks to another throwing star. She nodded in thanks to Kaz. That was more than enough slack - she wiggled free in a matter of seconds and took the star for her own to launch into Van Eck’s forehead.

It didn’t land quite as lethally as she’d hoped, but he still grabbed his face and bellowed in pain, looking around to see where the blow came from. He misjudged the angle Inej had thrown it from and rounded up instead on the big man, the one with the goldfish.

“You,” Van Eck seethed, pointing at him and getting up in his face. “You are not worthy to lick the mud from my boots, much less _this!”_ He waved the bloody throwing star at him. _“_ To make such an egregious and disrespectful -”

“Yeah, I don’t like you.” The large man was more stone-faced and dark than Inej had ever seen him. “I punch him.”

Inej narrowed her eyes, confused. Had he just said an action out loud instead of doing it?

But then he drew back and punched Van Eck in the face so hard that he passed out cold. Huh.

At that point, Kaz and Inej had finished untying everyone and dragging them to safety. They had just gotten back to Van Eck and had prepared to fight, but now it was apparently over. Kaz had a look on his face of, _I was so ready._

“Oh.” Kaz stared at Van Eck on the ground and at the rest of the crew, safe and free. He and Inej shared a look. There were no guards rushing them. No extra traps. No grievous injuries. No magic exhaustion. “I suppose we can just walk out.”

Inej nodded. “I suppose so.”

“Not before I go through the safe!” the elf shouted from the other side of the room, shoveling heaps of _kruge_ into a bag that never seemed to get full. Inej was sure Kaz would take that bag later. The elf raised his eyebrows. “Hachi machi, he’s got a lot in here. Hey! Asshole from _Titanic!”_ He waved at Kaz and held up a coin. “What is this?”

Kaz glared at him. “Watch how you speak to me. What’s _Titanic?”_

“You look like the villain.”

Inej knew they didn’t have time for this. “That’s a _kruge._ And we need to get out of this building before the fire spreads.”

The elf paid them no mind, continuing to accumulate money. “Right. Thanks, darling. And how many Krogers are in a Gold Piece, would you say?”

“It’s _kruge._ And we need to go.”

“I’m sure it’s fine.” He finished up with the safe and swung the door shut with a flourish.

The dwarf peered over into the bag. “That’ll be split up for all of us, right?”

“Of course, of course. Don’t worry about it.” Inej saw the elf cross his fingers behind his back, whatever that meant.

The large man bent over to watch Van Eck’s unconscious face. “I know he’s already down, but guys, I kinda want to punch him again? This guy  _sucks."_

Inej liked this man. He seemed to have the closest thing to a sense of justice as any of the travelers. She started dragging Jesper toward the door, gesturing with her head for the others to grab someone else and do the same. “Maybe later. I like your thinking." The room started to get hot and she could feel the fire closing in. "Right now, though, we need to go.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys probably go back and find out that it takes one billion kruge to equal one gold piece. Oh well. Alright, please remember to kudo, comment, bookmark, and dismantle the patriarchy if you enjoyed! There might be more one-offs, but they won't be soon, so if you want to stay updated, subscribe to my user in my profile!
> 
> Also, follow my author twitter @sentimentalscr1 for updates on chapter progress and info on future works, plus check out my other stuff if you like wesper or solangelo! Have a nice day :)


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